It has begun!

What has begun you may ask? "IT" is the countdown to our Disneyland trip. The kids really haven't worried about when we are going. We kept telling them that we weren't going until after Christmas which was a long time away. So they really haven't gotten too excited. But yesterday they realized that Christmas is over which makes our Disneyland trip close enough to countdown.

45 days until we leave!!!!!! (In case anyone was wondering) Yeah!!!!!! We are so excited!!!!! Maybe we should make a chain to countdown with...

A three-year old sayings

Under the category of "Cute things kids say", we've had a couple I thought I would share...

Just before Christmas, Diana and I were in the mall here in Columbus. For those that have trekked to this side of the Mississippi, you know I use the word "mall" liberally. We were walking around Sears looking at various things and Talia was motoring around like a 3-year old with limitless energy. As we were walking near the women's section, Talia spies something and takes off. We watched her as she bee-lined straight to the jewelry counter. Her face was pressed up against the glass looking at all the sparkly things. We walked over there and when we arrived, she looks up at me and says, "Daddy, I love diamonds!" Not quite sure where she learned those words. All I could think of was the pity I felt for the future guy(s) in her life...

A few days ago, Diana and the two older kids head out to Starkville (25 min away) to go eat lunch and paint pottery with some of the other mothers--I'm home now so I get to babysit. Well, I thought it was going to be a 3-hour trip so I'm thinking I can handle it. Christmas goodies are in the house and I feed a few to Talia. A little later, I note that we still have Halloween candy on the fridge and Talia also gets her fair share. I'm not too worried though since Diana will be home in a few hours to right the nutritional wrong I am putting my child through. However, the 3 hour trip turns to 6 hours and the nutritional composition of Talia's day doesn't change much. As we get ready for bed, Talia (surprise goes here) is complaining about how much her tummy hurts. The nutritional sins of the days events are revealed in hopes of finding a cure. Things aren't going well for her or for me. Talia gets a little bit of the runs and then we're off to bed. To make a long story short, an hour later she throws up next to Diana. As WE (emphasis here) are cleaning it up, we gave her a sip of water to rinse her mouth out. After she is done, she turned to us and said, "Daddy, there's no more diarrhea in my mouth." The sweetness of youth--it saved me from certain death anyway.

Fancy Fudge is Expensive

So I went on a cooking spree last night, making 4 batches of fudge, two double batches. So the first batch went fantastic, with the sugary concoction boiling up to the rim of the pot before settling back down. I threw in some mint for good luck and called it a win.

My sister in law left some real butter at our place, rather than the margarine I typically use, so I thought, everything is better with real butter. So I throw in the marshmallows, sugar, and milk into the mighty pot and start boiling. The girls are down so this should be a pretty low key event. I look pretty stylin' with my Fairpark apron on that I received at a work party. Things are boiling and going well, but for some odd reason it starts to boil over. I'm not talking of just a little, but it's like out of a Disney movie, with creamy froth engulfing the entire pot. Being the quickly responding male that I am, I grabbed the camera and snapped a few pix.

Knowing the importance of Fudge this time of year, I pushed onward, watching the carcinogenic wisps of smoke rise to the ceiling. My only hope was that the stench of burnt sugar would not taint the flavor of the fudge.

Alas, as I finished the fudge, I heard the garage open as Becky returned from her battle with the other shoppers. I told her it would be best if she didn't come in, knowing the circle-o-sugar cooling on the oven-top would not impress her. She persisted and made her way in, only to quickly notice the stench and the evil circle of sugar that seemed to mock her husbands ability to cook.

We let the stove cool and Becky set out to clean the stove. I told her I would deal clean it, but she has heard that enough in 8 years to know better. So she went to town on it, and found when she was finished that there is now a half moon of chipped glass/ceramic on the stove top, like a little smile of Christmas Past snickering at us. So this batch of fudge escalated from a few bucks of ingredients to possibly $300 of repairs / replacements. Ouch.

As for the flavor of the fudge, I cannot tell. My olfactory senses are shot so most things today taste like shoe leather, however the fudge is very smooth shoe leather.

******

P.S. Mike called around on the price of things to replace the ceramic top of the stove and it looked like it was only going to cost about $220 ... phew.... except for the fact that they don't make our stove top anymore. Dangit. Our concern was the whole stove top would shatter or blow up on us when we used it next due to the fact there are nice divets in the glass top now. But the Maytag people claim it is fine & we can still use it. Time will tell I guess! Good thing we have life insurance! :) I've tried to upload the pictures he took & it's not working today .... but (geez - I think I'd have both hands on the pot trying to lift it off the stove to stop the boiling over process -- but what a smart man to stop and take pictures of it as it's ruining our stove! ha hahah)

Dang Chuwch Stuff

So I am playing catch up on email and will be getting to working shortly here at home. Becky is out shopping, so I set up Hailey with PBS to watch their cartoons. I am in here and hear Hailey, with her inability to say "R" decently, "AW Dawn It!! It's chuwch stuff!"

Apparently the cartoons ended and she didn't appreciate the lecture that started on KBYU. It was just cute to hear...

Mike

Becky's Hair Blog

Well she's done it. She has been highlighted on a website, www.ivillage.com, which is dedicated to women and had 31.5 million readers. I think it's really pretty cool to have her spotlighted, and she even has Brooklyn looking back at you on the site. Anyhow, I'm pretty impressed with what she's been able to do and the honor she received. Way to go wifey!!

TEMPLE OPEN HOUSE THROUGH THE EYES OF A 4 YEAR OLD

All the talk about the open house for the Draper Temple reminded me of a fun experience I had while helping with the Louisville Temple open house. (Some of you may remember me telling this before--but that's the joy of being old: we can tell things over and over again and they still sound new to us.) I was outside the temple removing the protecting shoe coverings as people came out. I was helping a little boy who was about 4 years old and asked him what his favorite part of the temple was. He immediately replied, "The hot tub!"

Santa Questions

When I was growing up we did Christmas on Christmas Eve (the correct way - right Diana!? :) ) I never really thought about Christmas as a lot to do with Santa -- that or when I was really small we thought we had been better than most kids cuz we got our presents the night before! But because we didn't wake up early to "see what Santa brought" my folks tried not to make a huge deal out of Santa. Now with our little family we now do the "main stuff" on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas morning Santa brings the girls 1 thing. I guess that's what the born Porter's did - getting that "big" present from Santa Christmas morning. Either way at this time of year, the infamous questions are starting to be asked by the girls. I try not embelish stuff or go into much detail for the same fact that my folks did, but the questions keep coming ...

Is Santa real?
How does Santa know where we live?
Can we really leave Santa cookies? (I'm thinking he'd really appreciate that! :) )
How old is Santa?

Well tonight Goose came to me rather concerned and first asked, "Does Santa put our names on our presents?" I said I thought that he does. So then she proceeded to ask, "Do you think Santa knows how to correctly spell kids names?" I assured her I was sure he did. She then asked, "Do you think he'll know to put a little "C" in my name that goes up high and then the capital "K"? I tried to keep from smiling and once again assured her I was pretty sure he'd know exactly how to make her name - "high C" and all! (This stems from everything that is ever typed, or any of her friends that write her real name - the C is, of course not "super script" and this has started to bother her!) I've had to explain that unless someone purposely goes and selects a special option on their computer, the "C" is, unfortunately, always going to be down with the rest of the letters!! She's also said that people think her last name is Potter and she doesn't like being associated with Harry Potter!

Either way, I told her I know for a fact that Santa will get her name correct & she'll know which gift is for her! Ah, to have worries like that again, would be such a nice thing!

Lawyers do have a Heart

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his stretch limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Curious, he ordered his driver to stop, and he got out to investigate. He asked one of the men, 'Why are you eating grass?'

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have no choice. We have to eat grass.'

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you' the lawyer said.

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree'

'Bring them along' the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us too.'

The second man, in a pitiful voice said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'

'Bring them all as well,' the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the stretch limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.........The grass is almost a foot high.'

Draper Temple Open House

I don't have everyone's correct email address on my hotmail, so I thought I'd post it and will email it out tomorrow.

The Draper Temple is taking reservations for an openhouse. You can make your reservation online at: Let Me In, Please!

I think it'd be worth a flight to SLC.... assuming you can get in the car to get to the airport :P

One of those days

It was going to be a good week. On Monday, the general gave us Friday off so that translated into a 4 day weekend. Monday was a good day. Come Tuesday morning, I followed my usual morning routine and then headed out to the car to drive to work. It was a chilly morning and there was frost on the car. Not a big deal; it had occurred on other mornings. I put the key in the lock and unlocked the back door and put my bags in and then I go to open the driver door and the friggin door handle comes off in my hand.

The part you pull up on to disengage the lock was sitting in my hand and the door was still closed. On further inspection there were still the two protruding bars from the door handle still in the door so I was able to open the door by digging my fingers in under the protrusions, lifting with all my might, and then jambing my other hand's fingers under them and pulling. Needless to say, it wasn't very easy or without some pain.

Did you know a new Toyota door handle costs $98.17? That's without tax. Since I don't have my tools here with me, it costs another $92.00 to have them put it in. Gee, all this during the holiday shopping. Can it be any more fun? Why yes, it just so happens that it takes 3 days to get the part and then the dealership wanted me to pay $138.00 to install it. Fortunately, I has written down who I spoke with when they have me the repair quote. ;-)

And for the record, no, I couldn't crawl through the car to get to the driver seat like pencil girl. Some things a Major just shouldn't do...

Things to be thankful for

As I was tucking the kids in tonight I was asking each of them what they were thankful for. Here is Adam's list:

My family
Our beautiful house
Deer
Trees because they help us live
Food
Water
Popsicles
Hard Hats

Me: Hard Hats?

Adam: Ya, because they help save your life if a wall happens to fall on you.


And there you have it. The essentials to a 6 year old boy.

Bailout Math

Bee's Discovery

We showed this video to a few of you at the J's on Saturday, but if you weren't there or weren't around when I showed it, thought we'd share it here. Out of the blue last week, Bee discovered something in her shirt...


If this wasn't funny enough, after putting on her bib she pulled it off in the middle of the prayer to peek again. We put the bib on again, and then this ...



I know she'll be so happy we captured these moments on film. I was just thinking this would be great in her wedding video some day! haha

Education of Ears

As we were cleaning out Erin's ears this morning she wanted to know what was inside the ear.
I told her there was an ear drum in there. She very gently turned my head and laid her ear on mine and said "I think I can hear it!" Then she asked if she could see it so I told her we would look at a picture of the inside of the ear.
Off to wikipedia we go. I show her the canal we just cleaned out and then the eardrum. Then she says "Look! There is an octopus in the ear and something that looks like a snail, but it couldn't really be a snail!" I guess the octopus is likely?!

Then she looks at it some more and says "Where are the little people?" "What little people?" I ask. "The little people that play music on the drum!"

Kids are so cute.

TwisTed PersPecTive

OK, so I tried to be good. I was a good little boy and went to Stake Priesthood meeting tonight. I sat next to a high couniclman and we chatted before hand and I was ready for the meeting.

Needless to say the second youth speaker was better than the first, but I couldn't keep my twisted mind in the right thought pattern. Maybe I had sub-conscious thoughts about events of the last few months in my mind, I don't know.

Anyhow, he read Matthew 22:39, "...Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." So I took the thought and my mind twisted it 90 degrees and came up with, If I hate myself, does that mean it's OK to hate my neighbor?

Just letting you all into my mind tonight, sorry for sharing.

As a side note, I don't hate my neighbors, or even myself...

Obama Lied

Nothing like Late Night TV to bring things into perspective...

Talia in the Third Person

Talia has taken to talking about herself in the third person. We haven't had a child do this before so it is kind of cute right now. Instead of saying, "I want to go potty" or "I am excited to go see ___", she'll say, "Talia needs to go potty." After she is done or when someone does something for her, she'll say, "Talia says thank you."

At first we were a little stumped of of why she would talk in this way but we noticed that when we spoke to her, we asked her questions in both the first and third person. So when you talk with her, you may wonder why she does that. She isn't one of those stuck up rich eccentric people but just someone who has weird parents.

It's GOOEY, Dad!

The kids were all excited about carving pumpkins this year for Halloween. The thing that surprised me about this activity was Erin's obvious displeasure about the gooey insides and digging them out. Strange that a little girl that thought the innards of the deer were cool would freak out about pumpkin guts! Here is some video of the kids doing the carving.




Erin did end up cleaning hers out, but Adam didnt like to get his hands messy. Looks like Kristen will be the only hunter in the family that is willing to gut a deer!


Here are a few of the in process pictures and one of the final result. Yeah for Halloween!

Stellar Customer Service

So Becky has had a nasty canker sore, roughly the size of Norway just inside her top lip. She has been toughing it out for a while but it has made her life miserable, resonating pain throughout her head. I noticed that kisses were being altered so I knew it was serious. Being on top of it, as I am, I told her I would go buy her some alum to kill the new resident.

I went to the trusty Harmon's Grocery Store. I was quite sure it was in the spice section, but I didn't know where it was, so I headed to the pharmacy instead. I chatted with the Rx cashier gal and she didn't know what alum was. I told her it fixes canker sores and she figured she knew where it was. She made reference my odd request to the pharmacist, who asked if it was to be used on a child with bad vocabulary. I told him no but made a mental note. He said it was in the spices and the cashier said she'd show me where. As we walked away, the pharmacist was saying how his kids had graduated to cayenne pepper. I smiled as I walked away, taking mental notes.

So we were walking over and I was making small talk. I told her that I find the alum and she said she wanted to know what it was in case anyone asked in the future. We found the bottle and I told her how I remember it as a child and it was nasty. I don't recall what I said, but I recommended that she tried some. As I was taking off the security seal, she agreed and put her finger into the canister. She put it to her mouth and I asked if it was gross. "It's bitter...." she replied, "wait, now it's gross... Really GROSS..." I thanked her for confirming it was the nasty crap from my childhood and snickered to myself as we parted and I headed to another section of the Store.

So I just wanted to give a shout-out to Harmon's Employee's and their willingness, or naivete, in helping their customers identify nasty things in their store.

For the record, I am planning on writing a letter to Harmon's Corporate as a thank you to the dedicated worker. Nimrod.

New Calling

I have been drafted to be the Assistant Scout Master. I will now spend one weekend a month camping and each Tuesday with the 12 & 13 year olds. I will also be keeping the $$ clerk job too.

Pre-Halloween Terror in WJ

So I sent Becky to go out to do some shopping for a new winter coat. She leaves and I go start my routine of ransacking the kitchen for sweets and I hear a knock on the door. Realizing who it was, I hid my treat behind my back.

"You have to come out and see what was in our car!!" she exclaimed excitedly. Wondering what was wrong I went out as a dutiful husband. I see nothing in the car. She says it again, just as excited, "Do you see what was in the car?!?" I see a bee about 5 feet above the car and thought, "maybe it was the bee?"

Finally she stops cowering behind me and points to the corner of our house. "That was IN our CAR!" sounding much like Olivia in the book where her Teddy Bear goes missing. There, near the corner of our house, is a fluffy white cat. No look of kujo in its eyes, but happily sitting there. "It was sitting in Brooklyn's seat! It could have clawed my neck!!" Understandibly, I am not too terribly alarmed, I give the supporive, "oh..." I expected a rabid pitbull or badger, not a fluffy kitty. "No more leaving the windows down in the car!" she said as she drove away.




Needless to say the terrifying cat has been "shooed" off of our property. I can only imagine that as Halloween approaches, it will be my wife who is afraid, huddling in the shower, much like Crisco in the days of of old.






***For the record, she started to act it up with the "claw my neck" comment, but it still was funny how excited she became over a fluffy cat. Perhaps it reminded her of a spooky story from her child hood, I don't know...*** Note: portions of this story may have been skewed due to laughing too hard about the alarm raised over a cat***

Temple Recommend

Two weeks ago I got my recommend renewed after church. I figured I could get the stake president's part done at home. (There are darn few perks to his calling & I only get this once every 2 years now.) Anyway, it took us 3 or so days and he finally signed my recommend. So this week I decided to go to the temple by myself on Wednesday. Imagine my surprise when the nice man at the recommend desk said my new recommend wasn't valid because the "stake people" hadn't put in into the computer system yet. So I tried to call my "stake person." Of course, the phone was busy. Eventually the people at the temple felt sorry for me and let me in anyway. So on the way home later, I made this call, "President Porter, this is Sister Porter. I had some trouble getting into the temple today. The temple folks said my recommend hadn't been put into the computer system yet." President Porter replied, "That's right. The yellow copy is still up here on the dresser." I think I'm the first one he's neglected to enter within a day or 2 at the most after the interview. So much for perks!

Deer hunting!

The kids and Mike went deer hunting over the weekend. This was Erin's first trip so I was pretty anxious how she would do with daddy shooting and then gutting "bambi". Mikes family doesn't hunt the traditional way of hiking through mountains. They drive along the road and if they see a deer then they stop the truck, get out, all take aim and shoot. Yes, not very sportman-ey, but it is the way they do it and since it is successful (most of the time) why change it?
The group was a little large this trip so they were not all in one truck so Mike was with our kids in our truck following his brother. His brother passed right by a buck and didn't even say anything about it so Mike got out took shot and nailed the deer on the first shot. Yeah for hunter Mike! The deer was close enough that he was able to drive right over to it. The downside of killing a deer by yourself is that you have to gut it without any help but the cute 3 little kids that are morbidly curious.
All three are standing around Mike as he cuts into it. I was a little worried about the trauma this would cause Erin, but I need not have feared for nothing scares Erin. If you ask Erin if they got a deer her direct quote is "Yes! And I saw his blood coming out and then his poop came out! The poop was gross!" Erin was fascinated with everything. As Mike was pulling out all the innards she was asking "What is that?" to everything that came out of the body. She thought it was very interesting. And then all of them wanted to see the heart so Mike pulled that out. The kids were certain that what he pulled out was not the heart because a heart is shaped like a valentine! It took some convincing but now my kids all know the true shape of a deer heart.

Mike's deer was 128 pounds (skinned and headless) and it was only a 2 point! His brothers said they didnt even see it standing there. Mike was the only one to get a deer this past weekend. Better luck to the rest of the Davis clan this coming weekend!

Raptor Test

I know you may have been wondering the same thing, so I thought I'd give you an opportunity. I should be able to sleep better now.


I could survive for 57 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

Created by Bunk Beds Pedia

WJordan Porters of Days Gone By

I was inspired by Becky's creativity last night and wondered what my family may look like if they were blasted back to the past. Well... I'm glad they didn't live back then, especially Brooklyn...

Testing, Testing, Orson has.... uh yeah...

Welcome to the new & improved Reporter. It is a lot like the old one, but with far less counseling & issues. The intent is to have some fun and share stories for the Family. (Sounds mafia, doesn't it?)

Please make comments (just so the pathetic ones who don't have a life and post to the blog can feel some sort of worth and that their ramblings are not in vain).

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